Four-year-old Sam loved candy almost as much as his mom, Sally, did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day. 

A few days later Sam was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Sally said to him, “If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?”

“Oh, yes,” he said, nodding his head. Suddenly, his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. “Now I can eat them all.”
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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I must have been a fool when I married you.”

And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too but he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, “It really works!”
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”
“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
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If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”

Second Guy: “Man, you’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.”
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